Fantasy or reality or in transition?

Should it be counted as a desired feeling or as an unwanted feeling? It seems disturbing however it brings little spark into my life. Wondering if discarding it will be a tough task or rather a torturing task to perform. Not knowing, afraid to move from that stationary post. Standing there stranded within the small cubical called hope. Praying hard that something will come up in the end of it. But, the distance seems very far from over, leading to more obstacles. Moving backwards step by step, refusing to accept reality, running to an open path - fantasy. As the warp absorbs me through another dimension without restrictions, providing every single wish of mine - dream. Pushing things closer together seem to be tearing apart from the real thing. Inability to have faith in myself, I pushed myself closer to the cliff, just a movement away from falling off. A hand was reached out, it was not the right but it was the left hand - sweet and gentle. Turning away, plunged into the sea I did. Feeling lost for a few days in my disturbed thoughts, without fire, suddenly it came the fire. Realising that illusions built up are just merely illusions and nothing more. Falling into the black pit I did once, but this time I am painting my cardboard world white, stainless whiter than even a pure soul. Hopefully, pulling off the same trick over and over again. Repeating does not make it a lesson through the thick skull of mine.

7.28pm 19 September 2008