I guess that is the only way

Seems like writing is the only solution of letting go of the frustration. Seems so near within reach but so far within range. How to reach for somethin which is so beyond you? Is it a challenge or is it a thrill? Is it on purpose or is it destined to be? Ignored I was. Indicated I was. Indirected meaning was given. Yet, the hope was still there. Moving forward in a slow pace. Slowly reaching for it. Yet again, its still too far from reach. What to do? What to reach for? Is there a logical purpose for it? Doesn't seem like there is any. But the guess is in this field of destiny and fate, there is nothing logical. Its all about the emotions. That is why emotion without a thought. Logical or not, act with feelings will simply get into trouble. Wonderful that our body system was created so perfectly and yet feelings is out of control of the creator. It is no longer a logical world. Its just another world filled with feeling of wanting more. Greed is towards the destruction of men.

7.54pm 28 September 2008

Just another sitting moment

Just another moment of complications which lead to a different scenes in life. Living within the empty box of spirituality giving out signs of letting go. Thinking over what was thought at that moment, letting out all frustrations and anger over things that does not belong. Impossible is the sign of mind but the body seems encouraged to move on. Indefinate of the path taken, once again the sea of sorrowness cloud the sky of the healthy thinking. Just a matter of thank you gives out a sign feeling uncomfortable within the very own boundary. What else to do other than seek refuge and run and hide? Only option available is either to talk to the wall of hope or just plunge down the pillar of hope and never see it again. Seems like the wish is far from being reality as fantasy managed to claw upon the healthy mind. Emptiness was felt all away without even a glimpse happiness within that. But when it is coming to an end, it was always a suspense following one path to the other. Interesting thrill, journey, experience but seems like the mind is getting bored of it as letting go was the only thing that it can do so far...for now. It is becoming a plant without water.
6.47pm 27 September 2008

Uncertainty within doubt

Ambushed by thorns of life, my resistance became indefinitely strong. Leaving from one side to the other in a close room of vacuum. Moving up and down, dwelling in the past not moving forward as hopeless as I am. Might not be able to bloom in the early eye of morning sun, I turned into a black rose, waiting to be picked up. Refusing to change the colour, I took another path without restriction. Leading to another endless road of fire. Lightless and lifeless as always, faintly moving towards the door of hope. Opening up, leaving only a torn piece of a petal. Lying down there - black and sorrowful. A heart which is filled with dirt is not the mood of life, it is just another junk within the blackhole absorbing every single thing into just one hole, letting nothing go, as evil as it seems, no one know what lies within. There is blood bath within a hole of pikes, letting no fish alive within the pool. Hopefully, it is another story of misery with no intention. Suffocating from the facts of life, I manage to find my supply of air.

1.20pm 20 September 2008

Fantasy or reality or in transition?

Should it be counted as a desired feeling or as an unwanted feeling? It seems disturbing however it brings little spark into my life. Wondering if discarding it will be a tough task or rather a torturing task to perform. Not knowing, afraid to move from that stationary post. Standing there stranded within the small cubical called hope. Praying hard that something will come up in the end of it. But, the distance seems very far from over, leading to more obstacles. Moving backwards step by step, refusing to accept reality, running to an open path - fantasy. As the warp absorbs me through another dimension without restrictions, providing every single wish of mine - dream. Pushing things closer together seem to be tearing apart from the real thing. Inability to have faith in myself, I pushed myself closer to the cliff, just a movement away from falling off. A hand was reached out, it was not the right but it was the left hand - sweet and gentle. Turning away, plunged into the sea I did. Feeling lost for a few days in my disturbed thoughts, without fire, suddenly it came the fire. Realising that illusions built up are just merely illusions and nothing more. Falling into the black pit I did once, but this time I am painting my cardboard world white, stainless whiter than even a pure soul. Hopefully, pulling off the same trick over and over again. Repeating does not make it a lesson through the thick skull of mine.

7.28pm 19 September 2008